Unsubscribe

March 2, 2011

I’ve been unsubscribing to lots of things lately- boring RSS feeds, spammy Facebook groups, email newsletters. Kind of like a toddler who just learned the word “NO”.

Today I tried to unsubscribe from this one newsletter, and the site redirected me to this page:

Hmm.
Is that my email address?
Well how the f*** am I s******* to k***?
Sh**sh.

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In which I speed the decline of print media

November 18, 2008

Dear NICOLE STAMP:

Our records indicate that your subscription to Harper’s Magazine will expire soon. Renew your subscription today before you miss a single insightful, thought provoking issue. I’d just like to remind you of just a few of the unique editorial features that a subscription to Harper’s offers:

INDEX… the facts and figures below the surface of the news– sometimes amusing, sometimes disturbing, always enlightening. READINGS… provocative excerpts from sources as diverse as letters, speeches, books, plays, magazines, newspapers, research reports and government documents. ANNOTATION… giving context to the common yet often obscure language of such ordinary documents such as tax forms and hospital bills, restaurant menus and concert tickets. ESSAY, REPORT, CRITICISM, FORUM, NOTEBOOK… all the serious, quality writing you’ve
come to expect from HARPER’S.

A two-year subscription- 24 issues- is only $34.95, and renewing is just a click away.

Sincerely,
Shawn Green
Circulation Director

Hello Shawn Green and Harper’s Magazine,

I’m writing to thank you for a good couple of years.
I like the magazine but I just don’t have time to read it since getting a laptop and becoming addicted to the internet. Now I spend my every moment of horizontal eye movement on pixels, not pages. While I still read the Harper’s weekly review by email, the dead-tree issues are piling up. That growing stack is in my bathroom, and frankly a pile that high is sending the wrong message to visitors. I have decided not to renew my subscription, and would ask to be removed from the list of people who receive tantalizing envelopes stuffed with offers to re-subscribe. These mailouts will not sway my decision, so they just waste money and trees. If I decide to re-subscribe some day, it turns out that I’m very web-savvy (yay laptop!) so I will know where to find you.
Thanks again, though- Harper’s is a good read.
Nicole Stamp