Michael Jackson and Alfonso Ribiero

September 22, 2011

Remember The Fresh Prince’s cousin Carlton Banks? Little Alfonso Ribiero was a badass moonwalker.

Nirvana Mash: Michael Jackson, Destiny’s Child

August 16, 2010

Smells Like Teen Rockin’ Robin:

Smells Like Teen Booty:

(I searched “teen booty” to find this one. Don’t do that.)

Also pretty sweet: Smells Like Billie Jean:

Thanks to Peneycad for the tip.
(And happy birthday, Peney- xoxo.)

Slash Costume

November 1, 2009

Using my illusion

I was Saul Hudson, better known as Slash, last night for Hallowe’en. That top hat was fabricated at 10:30pm using a Lucky Charms box, some cardboard, and some tinfoil, all duct-taped and hot-glued to a witch’s hat from the dollar store. The cigarette is a rolled-up index card with masking tape on the “filter” to keep it from getting all waterlogged, which worked perfectly.

And that hair. That hair is all me, baby, and I didn’t even need to tease it. The photo doesn’t do it justice, it was sooo big and sooo puffy it was like a cloud from another dimension. All I did was rinse out most of the conditioner I use to keep it from taking over the solar system, and it expanded to the point where this morning I found a bartender caught in it from last night.

And she was all “HI” and I was all “GAH” and I tried to shake her free. And she was like “AWW WHY DO I HAVE TO LEAVE THIS SOFT DOWNY NEST IT IS SO COMFORTABLE WITH ALL ITS UNTAMED POOF IT IS LIKE LYING IN A PILE OF BUNNIES” and I was all “GET OUT OF HERE AND ALSO HOW DID YOU GET IN THERE ANYWAY” and she was all “LAST NIGHT YOU BRUSHED PAST ME AND YOUR HAIR ABSORBED ME AND I WAS SCREAMING AND FLAILING BUT YOUR MARVELLOUS HAIR DAMPENED MY BLOWS AND MUFFLED MY CRIES LIKE SOME KIND OF SPACE AGE INSULATION” and I was all “GO HOME IMMEDIATELY” and she was all “BUT PLEASE SPACEPERSON I AM STILL ENTANGLED” and finally she used a Swiss Army knife to “slash” her way free of the tendrils and she said “HA HA PUN INTENDED” and I lost my temper and went “GET OOOOOUT I AM LAAAAAATE FOR DIM SUUUUUM” So she started to back away but then darted in one more time to pet my hair very gently with just the tips of her fingers, and I made a face like “DON’T MESS WITH ME LADY” and she gasped and skittered away like an adolescent deer through the undergrowth and I went to meet my relatives for some dim sum.

(Dim sum was amazing by the way. Thanks, Uncle Tony!)

Anyway, this is why I use so much conditioner. Leaving my hair untamed was rather like having a possum, three wolverines, and a canoeload of buffalo pelts all wrapped around my head for the evening.

Overall the costume worked out pretty well for something created in such a last-minute hustle. I went to the washroom at one point, and a panicky woman in Edie Sedgwick eyelashes said “SLASH THIS IS THE LADIES’ ROOM” and then I felt like a success. But then, like 10 minutes later, I was striding powerfully up the street to the bank machine, emitting as much early 1990s rock-n-roll machismo as my skinny jeans could muster, and some teenager goes

slash obama

If you are a brown person and own a top hat of some type- or just ninja skillz for making one out of cardboard, like me & Jimmy here, well then here are two things you can be for hallowe'en. PS. Neither of these things is Michael Jackson.

slash costume

Moments later my hair reached out and grabbed that guy behind me and dissolved him for his nutrients. He knew it was gonna happen, too. You can see it in his tiny terrified eyes.

Happy Hallowe’enie!

October 31, 2008

I have a couple of kickass Hallowe’en links to share with y’all, but first, friends, let me remind you of the true meaning of Hallow’een. It’s not scariness, or candy. The fundamental question for Hallowe’en is actually,

How can I make my costume sexy, even if sexiness is not at all relevant to my costume?

Alison and I went to an actors’ Hallowe’en party last night, which was filled with professional dancers and musical theatre performers. As you might imagine, most of them were partially nude. There was a sexy cop, two Playboy bunnies, a gaggle of Gladiators, a shirtless Batman, a sexy female Robin in a sports bra, sexy Terminator team complete with flashing LED bionic eye and sexy tight pants, and even a sexy Woodland Minotaur Lady-Goat with shaggy brown furry legs and a bare torso strewn with strategically-placed flowers.

Oh, also there was a slim 6’5″ dude wearing 5″ heels and a fluffy blonde wig, towering over the party as a sexy draggy seven-foot-tall Nomi Malone (that link is not the link we’re here to discuss, but it’s a tangent well worth clicking, friends).

One guy was just wearing a strawberry blond afro wig with his regular clothes, and I jokingly said, “hey, you could say you were Richard Simmons if you were wearing short-shorts.” He made a sort of sheepish face and I thought “oops, I embarrassed him,” but then I noticed he was removing his pants and rugger shirt, revealing a perfectly toned mandancer’s body in red hipster underoos and a tank top. Before the jeans were even past his knees he was already posing for photos. It was just that kind of party.

Artist's interpretation of that guy last night.

Artist's interpretation of that guy last night.

Alison fit right in, dolled up in her little pencil skirt and secretary hair- she looked like the first act of a certain kind of movie. But me? In my suit and flat shoes and 5-o’clock shadow? Not sexy. Unless you think clever political satire revealing the satirist’s unapologetic Liberal bias is sexy (which I totally do, can I get a what-what?) But honestly, this wasn’t that kind of party.

Let that one be a lesson to you.

Let that one be a lesson to you.

We’re going out again tonight and I’m totally planning to be Sexy Obama: the same hair, ears, eyebrows, and blazer…. paired with a bustier, miniskirt, fishnets, and high boots. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Oh wait, didn’t I promise you two good Hallowe’en links way back up a the top of this post? It was so long ago, I barely remember, but — Yes. So what I was going to say was, learn from my mistake: make sure your costume is sexy.

And here’s promised link #1, a great primer to get you started: PlanetDan’s Sexy Hallowe’en Costume Guide



(thanks to dziga for yet another killer link).


Today’s Wicked Ween Link # 2 reminds me of a trip I took to Germany some years ago. The German friend I was staying with sang in an a capella man-choir (I know!), and let me come to one of his rehearsals. They sang jaw-droppingly complex arrangements of American pop songs in their German accents, and I loved them so much I made my friend burn me a CD of their music, which I still listen to on occasion. Imagine 30 earnest German guys in perfect precision, belting out Right Set Fred songs. Amazing.

I was right back there in Bavaria when JP flung me this incredible YouTube video today. I think it’s the French accent that really does me in. I recommend viewing it in fullscreen, and make sure to watch ’til the Vincent Price voiceover, which kind of sounds like Jean Chretien doing a Vincent Price voiceover:

So there. Happy Hallowe’en, friends and neighbours. Don’t eat unwrapped candy, wear light colours so you don’t get hit by a minivan, and for the love of the Great Pumpkin, make sure your costume shows your navel.