Food: Sardinhas

June 14, 2010

Helder made me my first-ever non-canned sardines. Sprinkled with coarse salt, then grilled over charcoal and served with parsley and stuff. Salty and smokey and totally yummers.


Weird History: Boston Molasses Disaster

July 14, 2009

The Boston Molasses Disaster, also known as the Great Molasses Flood and the Great Boston Molasses Tragedy, occurred on January 15, 1919, in the North End neighborhood of Boston, Massachusetts in the United States. A large molasses tank burst, and a wave of molasses rushed through the streets at an estimated 35 mph (56 km/h), killing 21 and injuring 150. The event has entered local folklore, and residents claim that on hot summer days, the area still smells of molasses.

More here; via AskMeFi.


This is Why You’re Fat

June 14, 2009

This is why you’re fat. A website with really ridiculous photos of fatty foods. Bacon and/or batter play starring roles on most of these dishes:

Battered & deep-fried Cadbury Creme Egg

Battered & deep-fried Cadbury Creme Egg

This is why you’re thin. A website started in retaliation by the elaborate lunch-making mom from Vegan Lunch Box:

Uh... this weird candy I found that wasn't as sweet and had a crappy shelf life.

Uh... this weird candy I found that wasn't as sweet and had a crappy shelf life.

So far the fatties are totally winning. A butter-drenched cheesy bacon corn muffin kicks the ass of steamed tempeh loaf so damn hard.


Obama at the snack bar

June 8, 2009

Remember I showed you guys President Obama’s Flickr photo stream? Consider it the gift that keeps on giving.

obama snack bar

Photo by Pete Souza. Thanks to Reub for the tip.


Email punversation.

May 1, 2009

Viktor: Here’s a good article on Hamas [link]
Gord: I thought you said hummus. Really.
Viktor: I said it was a good article by Bobbie Ganoush
Hanna: /Groan
Me: Oh peas.
Lily: Merguez is you guyz could be at this all night.
Viktor: I’m tzatzinking you’re right.
Rob: This thread is so funny I almost falafel my chair.
Lily: Olive punning with you guys. Does Hummus practice Is-lamb?
Hanna: Wow. This is really pita-full.
Me: Not funny guys. There’s a schwarma going on right now.

My friends are going to hell. Or possibly hel.
It was an interesting article, though.


Schmaltz

April 29, 2009
Homemade schmaltz.

Homemade schmaltz.

Schmaltz is rendered goose or chicken fat used in Yiddish, German and Polish cuisine. You can grease a frying pan with it, spread it on toast like butter, mix it with matzo crumbs for matzo balls, melt it and pour it on salad as a dressing (!), or use it to make chopped liver (WHAT AM I) which is basically liver pate.

We think of foie gras as being French, but in its earliest form, it originated when Jews migrated to Eastern Europe from the Middle East or Mediterranean. They couldn’t rely on butter or lard as a cooking fat, since it isn’t kosher to mix dairy & meat, nor eat pork period. And in Europe, they couldn’t find the olive or sesame oil they’d used in the Middle East. So they fattened up their geese, rendered the fat, and it became their substitute for butter and olive oil. Mmmmmm….?

Some restaurants (notably Sammy’s Roumanian in NYC) offer schmaltz as a table condiment. My friend Kelly My friend Kell’s friend’s friend’s friend ate there recently and said it was scrumptious, and if you know me at all, you know I love me some fatty food. Totally gonna dip into the schmaltz next time I’m in NYC.

Schmaltzy photo by Eve from Garden of Eating.


Stadium made of snack food

February 2, 2009

This would be the greatest SuperBowl party snack ever.

snack stadium superbowl party food

58 Twinkies, a pound of Guacamole, a bag each of Nachos, Doritos, Cheetos, and Chex Mix, and other assorted American treats, totalling 24,374 calories and 1,285 grams of fat. All for only $86. Wow. They even made a blimp.

It’s important to lay down some paper towels, so that no food comes in contact with your disgusting table top. (Because if you’re a person who makes this, you definitely have a disgusting table top.)

Sometimes I don’t think I do enough fun stuff. I need to make more fun. By which I mean “bacon”. Via.


Virgin Airlines meal disgusting; customer complains with tons of awesome.

January 28, 2009

An anonymous customer, unhappy with his in-flight meals on a Virgin Airlines flight, has written a vivid letter of complaint, sending it directly to Virgin CEO and mega-kabillionaire playboy Richard Branson. Via.

Dear Mr Branson:

REF: Mumbai to Heathrow 7th December 2008

I love the Virgin brand, I really do which is why I continue to use it despite a series of unfortunate incidents over the last few years. This latest incident takes the biscuit.

Ironically, by the end of the flight I would have gladly paid over a thousand rupees for a single biscuit following the culinary journey of hell I was subjected to at the hands of your corporation.

Look at this Richard. Just look at it:

virgin airline branson food complain disgusting

I imagine the same questions are racing through your brilliant mind as were racing through mine on that fateful day. What is this? Why have I been given it? What have I done to deserve this? And, which one is the starter, which one is the desert?

You don’t get to a position like yours Richard with anything less than a generous sprinkling of observational power so I KNOW you will have spotted the tomato next to the two yellow shafts of sponge on the left. Yes, it’s next to the sponge shaft without the green paste. That’s got to be the clue hasn’t it. No sane person would serve a desert with a tomato would they. Well answer me this Richard, what sort of animal would serve a desert with peas in:

virgin airline branson food complain disgusting

I know it looks like a baaji, but it’s in custard Richard, custard. It must be the pudding. Well you’ll be fascinated to hear that it wasn’t custard. It was a sour gel with a clear oil on top. It’s only redeeming feature was that it managed to be so alien to my palette that it took away the taste of the curry emanating from our miscellaneous central cuboid of beige matter. Perhaps the meal on the left might be the desert after all.

Anyway, this is all irrelevant at the moment. I was raised strictly but neatly by my parents and if they knew I had started desert before the main course, a sponge shaft would be the least of my worries. So lets peel back the tin-foil on the main dish and see what’s on offer.

I’ll try and explain how this felt. Imagine being a twelve year old boy Richard. Now imagine it’s Christmas morning and you’re sat their with your final present to open. It’s a big one, and you know what it is. It’s that Goodmans stereo you picked out the catalogue and wrote to Santa about.

Only you open the present and it’s not in there. It’s your hamster Richard. It’s your hamster in the box and it’s not breathing. That’s how I felt when I peeled back the foil and saw this:

//pageslap.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/virgin1_1246696c.jpg" alt="virgin airline branson food complain disgusting" width="450" height="281" />

Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking it’s more of that Baaji custard. I admit I thought the same too, but no. It’s mustard Richard. MUSTARD. More mustard than any man could consume in a month. On the left we have a piece of broccoli and some peppers in a brown glue-like oil and on the right the chef had prepared some mashed potato. The potato masher had obviously broken and so it was decided the next best thing would be to pass the potatoes through the digestive tract of a bird.

Once it was regurgitated it was clearly then blended and mixed with a bit of mustard. Everybody likes a bit of mustard Richard.

By now I was actually starting to feel a little hypoglycaemic. I needed a sugar hit. Luckily there was a small cookie provided. It had caught my eye earlier due to it’s baffling presentation:

virgin airline branson food complain disgusting cookie biscuit bag

It appears to be in an evidence bag from the scene of a crime. A CRIME AGAINST BLOODY COOKING. Either that or some sort of back-street underground cookie, purchased off a gun-toting maniac high on his own supply of yeast. You certainly wouldn’t want to be caught carrying one of these through customs. Imagine biting into a piece of brass Richard. That would be softer on the teeth than the specimen above.

I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was relax but obviously I had to sit with that mess in front of me for half an hour. I swear the sponge shafts moved at one point.

Once cleared, I decided to relax with a bit of your world-famous onboard entertainment. I switched it on:

virgin airline branson food complain letter

I apologise for the quality of the photo, it’s just it was incredibly hard to capture Boris Johnson’s face through the flickering white lines running up and down the screen. Perhaps it would be better on another channel:

virgin airline branson food complain  ray liotta

Is that Ray Liotta? A question I found myself asking over and over again throughout the gruelling half-hour I attempted to watch the film like this. After that I switched off. I’d had enough. I was the hungriest I’d been in my adult life and I had a splitting headache from squinting at a crackling screen.

My only option was to simply stare at the seat in front and wait for either food, or sleep. Neither came for an incredibly long time. But when it did it surpassed my wildest expectations:

virgin airline branson food complain disgusting cookie baggie biscuit
Yes! It’s another crime-scene cookie. Only this time you dunk it in the white stuff.

Richard…. What is that white stuff? It looked like it was going to be yoghurt. It finally dawned on me what it was after staring at it. It was a mixture between the Baaji custard and the Mustard sauce. It reminded me of my first week at university. I had overheard that you could make a drink by mixing vodka and refreshers. I lied to my new friends and told them I’d done it loads of times. When I attempted to make the drink in a big bowl it formed a cheese Richard, a cheese. That cheese looked a lot like your baaji-mustard.

So that was that Richard. I didn’t eat a bloody thing. My only question is: How can you live like this? I can’t imagine what dinner round your house is like, it must be like something out of a nature documentary.

As I said at the start I love your brand, I really do. It’s just a shame such a simple thing could bring it crashing to it’s knees and begging for sustenance.

Yours Sincererly

XXXX

* Paul Charles, Virgin’s Director of Corporate Communications, confirmed that Sir Richard Branson had telephoned the author of the letter and had thanked him for his “constructive if tongue-in-cheek” email. Mr Charles said that Virgin was sorry the passenger had not liked the in-flight meals which he said was “award-winning food which is very popular on our Indian routes.”

Hello to all the new readers from Emails From Crazy People. Welcome! Here’s a list of the funniest posts on my blog. Like this one time, I found a chicken fetus in an egg, that was pretty grode.


Yaaay!

January 20, 2009

obamas

Tomorrow my friend is having an inauguration lunch and we’re gonna have cornbread and chili and oreos and we’re gonna freak out, hurray!


How do you like those apples? Waxy, with a chemical sheen.

January 14, 2009

redapple

So, you know how regular apples are nice and shiny, but organic ones aren’t? Well. There’s a product called Apple Lustr, and it or something like it gets sprayed on apples to make ‘em so shiny and waxy and yummy looking. Here’s some info from the product information the company distributes. Note that this isn’t written by hippies who fertilize their gardens with their own pee and eat their placentas and weird stuff like that. This is released by the company who’s trying to sell the product.

“If swallowed, this material may cause digestive tract irritation and central nervous system effects such as headache, dizziness, nausea, drowsiness, and, in severe exposures, loss of consciousness.”

Oh, thanks for letting me know. I’ll be sure not to swallow my apples.


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