My pal Kalman wrote a guest post in response to Candied Bacon: Do Not Bring to a Jewish Dinner Party, in which I describe how I made Candied Bacon, and how I brought it to a Jewish Dinner Party, which was uncomfortable.
Thou fine exalted salted swine, my heart melteth (and cloggeth) for thee
My candied bacon experience
by Kalman Andrasofszky
I was going to a potluck. I decided to make candied bacon. The end.
What the above fails to mention is the potluck in question was a “Thanksgiving dinner for Easter” potluck. I felt certain that what all that turkey, gravy, stuffing and potatoes needed to really hum, was some candied bacon.
Because I am pathologically incapable of following any set of instructions (particularly recipes) to the letter, I just had to muck with it. I added a little dark beer (Wellington Country Ale, if you must know) to the brown sugar/maple syrup mixture.
I should mention that this was my first time using the oven in my new(ish) place. I learned that day, that it’s an anti-tardis, meaning the inside is MUCH smaller than it appears on the outside. So I had to incrementally add more raw bacon, as the bacon already cooking within shrank and made room. This added some complication and a measure of stress to what should have been an intricate, but reasonably straightforward process.
Upon sampling my fine pile of snipped up candied bacon I was shocked to find that it tasted like, well, bacon. All that careful drizzling, and checking, and turning, and blue smoke for what could have been achieved in 4 minutes in a skillet? Had my “improvement” on the recipe been in fact a de-provement??
Somehow in transit, magic happened, and the candied bacon transmogrified itself into crispy little fragments of heaven. Everyone fiended for it, and I could have sworn I busted my friend Tom, surreptitiously licking out the tupperware I’d brought it in. I was the hero of the day, and the young lady who toiled all day to make the turkey got nary a glance. WIN!
Two greasy thumbs up!
– Kalman Andrasofzsky is an illustrator who lives in Toronto.
Yaaay bacon success! Thanks for the story, Kalman!
I guess this is kind of the second guest post on Pageslap (the first was Shannon & Shannon’s funny video version of “My Acting”). But listen, you guys, I’m really damn lazy and am happy to have more. You can write me little thingies and send them to me and I will probably post them here. So, yeah!