Build A Title

May 12, 2010

Here’s a fun game for your next road trip:

1. Pick a movie title. For instance, Dawn of the Dead.
2. Pick another movie title that can build onto either end of the first title; it can be the whole word or just a syllable. For instance: Crimson Dawn + Dawn of the Dead. Or Dawn of the Dead + Dead Man Walking.
3. Continue, taking turns. Part of the game is that in order to add on a new title, you have to repeat the whole entire thing from memory.

Helder and I killed this game today:

Crimson Dawn of the Dead Man Walking TAll Dogs Go to Heavenly Creat(j)ursey Girl Next Do(OrCa)nadian BacUnforgiv(Envy)Event Horizon.

And then:

Good Morning VietnAmeliEternal Sunshine of the Spotless MIndependence Day(Dave)(A)VPeeWee Herman’s Big AdventureLand Before Time CopLand of the Lost at Sea No Evil Hear No Evil Deadward Scissorhands.

Try it, it’s a lot of fun (…ny People) Versus Larry Flynterview With A VampiReservoir Dogs.


Nina Arsenault

March 4, 2010

Nina's the one on the right.

Nina Arsenault is a Toronto writer, performer, fashionista, and media personality who has undergone a whole lot of body modification (60+ cosmetic surgeries) to transition from male to female and to end up looking as… I don’t even know how to put it, as “ultra”?… as she does today. She’s a great writer and I enjoy her blog, particularly the photos.

Here’s a video about her, including some rare pics from when she was living as a male. (Probably a little sexy for most workplaces):


Elliott Malkin – Mother’s History of Birds

January 19, 2010

My friend Elliott made a really great documentary short (7.5 minutes) about his mother, Roberta Malkin, and her pet birds. I really like it. It’s online here.


Impractical iPhone application

December 14, 2009

The other night I went to a sports bar to watch a UFC fight. My friend Helder spent 30% of the evening on his iPhone, as is his custom. At the end of the match, as we were paying, I dropped a toonie (a Canadian $2 coin) on the floor under the table and couldn’t see it in the dark.

Toonies. I had a teacher who used to call them Moonies. When we asked why, she said it was because a toonie depicts the Queen... with a bear behind.

I was gonna ask Helder to shine his iPhone down there to help me find it but first I just stuck my head under the table to see if I could solve my problem by myself, because I’m slowly learning that that’s what adults do.

A few seconds into my exploration of independence, Helder mildly inquired as to why I was paddling around in one of the many pools of spilled beer on the carpet at Toby’s. I poked my head back up and explained that I was looking for a dropped toonie, obviously. He immediately whipped out his iPhone and shone it under the table.

HELDER
Here, maybe this will help.

NICOLE
Oh, thanks.

HELDER
(pause)
It’s a new application I downloaded for finding toonies.

(pause)
It’s called iTunie.

(pause)
It cost me a dollar-ninety-nine.

NICOLE
Found it!

HELDER
Oh.
(turns off phone)
That’s it for the application then. One-time use.

Amazing. Helder’s getting back into stand-up comedy in 2010 and I think the world can only be made a better place by this decision.


German: sissy

November 7, 2009
bruno440

How darest du callst ich ein German sissy. Ich is Austrian.

The German language has this charming habit of mashing countless adjectives onto its nouns, forming nearly illegible compound words. So instead of a short string of nice, simple words working as a team to convey an idea, like, say, “beef-labelling law”, you get a monstrosity like

Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsaufgabenübertragungsgesetz
Look, I can’t even fit it onto a single line.

Rind=beef, fleisch=meat, etikettierungs=labelling, über=over, wachungs=watching, auf=on, gaben=task, über=over, tragungs=giving, gesetz=law.

The beefmeatlabellingoverwatchfortaskovergivinglaw.
Ummmmm.

So when the German language wants you to know it thinks you’re a sissy, it doesn’t pull any punches. You could be a:

Boxershortsbügler = A boxershorts-ironer.

s-bahn-in-fahrtrichtung-sitzer – An in-the-direction-of-travel-sitter
(In other words, an insufferably special snowflake who must face forward on the train to avoid motion-sickness from looking out the window in the wrong direction. I’m one of these, I confess. I might barf.)

Frauenversteher – A women-understanderer. (WOW.)

Here are some more German words for sissy at Resolute Vagrant.


Best Hallowe’en Costumes

November 4, 2009

Hallowe’en is over on the calendar but not in my heart.
Here are my favourite costumes of the year:

This eighteen-month old girl dressed as Dwight Schrute. Via.

dwight schrute costume

I did not become a Lackawanna County Volunteer Sheriff's Deputy to make friends. And by the way, I haven't.

This woman painstakingly mixed colours to go as Low Resolution. Love it.

pixel halloween costume

This looks shopped. I can tell from some of the pixels and from seeing quite a few shops in my time.

And what about these adorable munchkins, the charming offspring of a lovely couple I know? Well, for starters, the little girl is sporting one of my favourite types of costumes, the “my legs become the legs of the thing I’m riding on” type of costume. I actually have an entire folder containing photos of these costumes, since I keep meaning to do a compilation post about them. Nice choice, Princess. And as for the little boy, I lost my mind of the cuteness when my friend reported in mid-October that he had asked to go a puffer fish for Hallowe’en. His parents were pulling their hair out trying to figure out how to make this costume, but the final product is amazing.

puffer fish costume

Please do not give these children any balloons today.

According to his mom,

…Absolutely no one knew he was a puffer fish at first sight (no surprise since he looked a bit more like a disco land mine) except this one lady who was immediately like, “Puffer fish! My husband’s gotta see this! He’s in the seafood industry.”

So full of win! Happy Ween, everybunny.

PS- If you’re new to Pageslap today, welcome!
I was Barack Obama for Hallowe’en last year (I’m a girl!)…
and my costume turned out pretty OK, check it out!


Oren and Brady are adorable

September 30, 2009

I taught camera acting at Sheridan College last year. These two were in my class (not that I am trying to take any credit for the genius of this video- my class involved lots more lines and lots less smart funny improv). This song totally made my morning.

RELATED:
Here is another video of people from my theatre school being funny: Shannon and Shannon present “My Acting”.