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November 19, 2011

That is a lemur sneaking up on a fennec fox. For obvious reasons.

Here is a set of the 25 worst Life Magazine covers ever, with wry commentary. The fact that this is on the Life Magazine website makes me really like Life Magazine.

If you’re trying to get some writing done, Written Kitten will help.

If you would like to see a semicircle of white men looking very uncomfortable, Steve McQueen’s great commentary about diversity in casting is a good place to start.


Welcome to the Internet

November 19, 2010

Hey you guys, I just found this brand-new (read: ten years old), totally unknown (read: suuper freakin popular), little (big) blog! You guys should check it out before anyone else knows about it. It’s called Pioneer Woman and it’s written by a lady who lives on a ranch. Like seriously, that cowboy is her actual husband, and there was a snake in her yard and she has horses and sometimes there are prairie fires. And she’s funny. Yep. Welcome to the Internet, you guys. Thank goodness I’m here to show you all the new stuff.


Karate Kid ruined my happiness.

May 31, 2010

Fig. 1: Artist's impression of my life.

“You know that TV show where Gordon Ramsay tours various failing restaurants and swears at the owners until everything is fine again? Every episode is a great example. They all involve some haggard restaurant owner, a half a million dollars in debt, looking exhausted into the camera and saying, “How can we be losing money? I work 90 hours a week!”

The world demands more. So, so much more. How have we gotten to adulthood and failed to realize this? Why would our expectations of the world be so off? I blame the montages. Five breezy minutes, from sucking at karate to being great at karate, from morbid obesity to trim, from geeky girl to prom queen, from terrible garage band to awesome rock band.”

OMG, this is my life. Read it and weep at Cracked.
Thanks to Nicolas for the tip.


Hype Machine

March 3, 2010

If you’re not already into it, you should maybe check out The Hype Machine. Unless you don’t like amazing websites that collect songs being blogged all over the world and then put all the MP3s in one place for you to stream for free so you can hear what the blogosphere likes and then go track down new artists. If you don’t like awesome stuff like that, then stay away from the Hype Machine.

Also, if you hate ridiculously unexpected mashups like Beyonce + The Andy Griffith Theme, then go away, please, because it’s like you don’t know me at all and it hurts me to even look at your face.


My First Fail

August 3, 2009

mff-camo

Here’s a site collecting funny pics and videos of baby’s first fail.

This one is my favourite (maybe NSFW if you work for Quakers).


Doctor blogs

April 27, 2009

If you like doctor blogs- and I sure do- I believe you should go here: the final post roundup from 3 years of Surgeon’sBlog. This one post is comprised of about 40 links to various vivid stories from the operating room. When I say vivid- well, the first is subtitled, “the most stool I’ve ever seen in a belly”, and with an intro like that, how can you not want to know more??!! HOW MUCH STOOL WAS THERE?
So far I’ve barely made a dent, but I’m already hooked.


Bad Paintings of Barack Obama

March 26, 2009

The name of the site kind of says it all.

barack-hillary1

Frankly, though, I’m not so sure all of these paintings are bad.

Barack Obama Mexican Taco Underwear Party.

Barack Obama Mexican Taco Underwear Party.


My Art Director is Four Years Old.

February 19, 2009

“That’s not what I want. That’s a Brachiosaurus. I want a T Rex.”

This dude draws whatever his small daughter tells him to draw, and she almost always hates it.


Virgin Airlines meal disgusting; customer complains with tons of awesome.

January 28, 2009

An anonymous customer, unhappy with his in-flight meals on a Virgin Airlines flight, has written a vivid letter of complaint, sending it directly to Virgin CEO and mega-kabillionaire playboy Richard Branson. Via.

Dear Mr Branson:

REF: Mumbai to Heathrow 7th December 2008

I love the Virgin brand, I really do which is why I continue to use it despite a series of unfortunate incidents over the last few years. This latest incident takes the biscuit.

Ironically, by the end of the flight I would have gladly paid over a thousand rupees for a single biscuit following the culinary journey of hell I was subjected to at the hands of your corporation.

Look at this Richard. Just look at it:

virgin airline branson food complain disgusting

I imagine the same questions are racing through your brilliant mind as were racing through mine on that fateful day. What is this? Why have I been given it? What have I done to deserve this? And, which one is the starter, which one is the desert?

You don’t get to a position like yours Richard with anything less than a generous sprinkling of observational power so I KNOW you will have spotted the tomato next to the two yellow shafts of sponge on the left. Yes, it’s next to the sponge shaft without the green paste. That’s got to be the clue hasn’t it. No sane person would serve a desert with a tomato would they. Well answer me this Richard, what sort of animal would serve a desert with peas in:

virgin airline branson food complain disgusting

I know it looks like a baaji, but it’s in custard Richard, custard. It must be the pudding. Well you’ll be fascinated to hear that it wasn’t custard. It was a sour gel with a clear oil on top. It’s only redeeming feature was that it managed to be so alien to my palette that it took away the taste of the curry emanating from our miscellaneous central cuboid of beige matter. Perhaps the meal on the left might be the desert after all.

Anyway, this is all irrelevant at the moment. I was raised strictly but neatly by my parents and if they knew I had started desert before the main course, a sponge shaft would be the least of my worries. So lets peel back the tin-foil on the main dish and see what’s on offer.

I’ll try and explain how this felt. Imagine being a twelve year old boy Richard. Now imagine it’s Christmas morning and you’re sat their with your final present to open. It’s a big one, and you know what it is. It’s that Goodmans stereo you picked out the catalogue and wrote to Santa about.

Only you open the present and it’s not in there. It’s your hamster Richard. It’s your hamster in the box and it’s not breathing. That’s how I felt when I peeled back the foil and saw this:

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Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking it’s more of that Baaji custard. I admit I thought the same too, but no. It’s mustard Richard. MUSTARD. More mustard than any man could consume in a month. On the left we have a piece of broccoli and some peppers in a brown glue-like oil and on the right the chef had prepared some mashed potato. The potato masher had obviously broken and so it was decided the next best thing would be to pass the potatoes through the digestive tract of a bird.

Once it was regurgitated it was clearly then blended and mixed with a bit of mustard. Everybody likes a bit of mustard Richard.

By now I was actually starting to feel a little hypoglycaemic. I needed a sugar hit. Luckily there was a small cookie provided. It had caught my eye earlier due to it’s baffling presentation:

virgin airline branson food complain disgusting cookie biscuit bag

It appears to be in an evidence bag from the scene of a crime. A CRIME AGAINST BLOODY COOKING. Either that or some sort of back-street underground cookie, purchased off a gun-toting maniac high on his own supply of yeast. You certainly wouldn’t want to be caught carrying one of these through customs. Imagine biting into a piece of brass Richard. That would be softer on the teeth than the specimen above.

I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was relax but obviously I had to sit with that mess in front of me for half an hour. I swear the sponge shafts moved at one point.

Once cleared, I decided to relax with a bit of your world-famous onboard entertainment. I switched it on:

virgin airline branson food complain letter

I apologise for the quality of the photo, it’s just it was incredibly hard to capture Boris Johnson’s face through the flickering white lines running up and down the screen. Perhaps it would be better on another channel:

virgin airline branson food complain  ray liotta

Is that Ray Liotta? A question I found myself asking over and over again throughout the gruelling half-hour I attempted to watch the film like this. After that I switched off. I’d had enough. I was the hungriest I’d been in my adult life and I had a splitting headache from squinting at a crackling screen.

My only option was to simply stare at the seat in front and wait for either food, or sleep. Neither came for an incredibly long time. But when it did it surpassed my wildest expectations:

virgin airline branson food complain disgusting cookie baggie biscuit
Yes! It’s another crime-scene cookie. Only this time you dunk it in the white stuff.

Richard…. What is that white stuff? It looked like it was going to be yoghurt. It finally dawned on me what it was after staring at it. It was a mixture between the Baaji custard and the Mustard sauce. It reminded me of my first week at university. I had overheard that you could make a drink by mixing vodka and refreshers. I lied to my new friends and told them I’d done it loads of times. When I attempted to make the drink in a big bowl it formed a cheese Richard, a cheese. That cheese looked a lot like your baaji-mustard.

So that was that Richard. I didn’t eat a bloody thing. My only question is: How can you live like this? I can’t imagine what dinner round your house is like, it must be like something out of a nature documentary.

As I said at the start I love your brand, I really do. It’s just a shame such a simple thing could bring it crashing to it’s knees and begging for sustenance.

Yours Sincererly

XXXX

* Paul Charles, Virgin’s Director of Corporate Communications, confirmed that Sir Richard Branson had telephoned the author of the letter and had thanked him for his “constructive if tongue-in-cheek” email. Mr Charles said that Virgin was sorry the passenger had not liked the in-flight meals which he said was “award-winning food which is very popular on our Indian routes.”

Hello to all the new readers from Emails From Crazy People. Welcome! Here’s a list of the funniest posts on my blog. Like this one time, I found a chicken fetus in an egg, that was pretty grode.


Indonesian Obama lookalike

January 20, 2009

Indonesian photographer Ilham Anas bears a startling resemblance to a somewhat bony Barack Obama. He recently booked a very dignified Filipino commercial.

Source.