Vivid Language in the Emergency Department

June 2, 2010

“You need to put her under — deeply — and basically recreate the injury. Don’t be wimpy about it: you have to go medieval on her. There’ll be a nasty crunch as you complete the ulnar fracture; don’t worry about that. Make sure you have the parents sitting down or out of the room.”

Dr. Shadowfax talks about the value of using really vivid, colourful language when giving directions in the ER. Maybe it’s not for you if you’re squeamish, but I enjoyed this post.

Advertisements

Earwax Suction

May 18, 2010

THIS IS THE MOST DISGUSTING / SATISFYING THING I’VE EVER SEEN.
Man, I loved watching it. The music is so inspirational! And when he gets that tricky one at the end, doesn’t your heart just soar? This video made me so horribly delighted that I had to yell AAAAUUUGGGGHHH the whole time I watched. I want this done so bad.

Via MeFi.


Mattress of the heart

November 26, 2009

Via.


Eel Slap

November 25, 2009

For those of you who yearn to slap someone in the face with a fat phlegmy eel, yearn no longer. Drag your cursor across the image on this page to give this guy the what-for, cartilaginous-fish stylez.


Sneeze goo

November 10, 2009

Grode.


Toenails removed: a distance runner’s gory sacrifice

October 22, 2009

toenail removed

Ultramarathoners are people who run for like 19 hours at a time. I have another word for people who do this, and that word is “TIRED”. But these people exist, and as you might imagine, they have hella sore feet. Their toes pound up against the front of their shoes, and the nails hurt and get all ingrown and skanky and stuff. So… some of them have their toenails surgically pulled off and then the nail beds chemically burned so the nails won’t ever grow back. GAH.

Here’s an awesome/gross photogallery of one woman’s toenail removal. I love her for being so into this; I would have done exactly the same thing. Except without the “removing my toenails” part. Listen, pals. I really love my weekly dodgeball games, but if I ever start talking about surgically improving my gameplay, you guys have my permission to grab my shoulders firmly and shake vigorously.
Via Metafilter.


In which I debate the merits of having cats

October 9, 2009

DSC00371

Tonight my female cat, Juno, was being particularly adorable. She snuggled on my lap for half an hour, purring ridiculously loudly. She chased a large red ball all over the apartment like a small leopard. She let me pick her up by the arms and didn’t even growl at me. Mojo was being pretty cool too (he let me demonstrate CPR on him), so I decided to reward my delightful felines with some tuna.

As I was carrying the tuna-plates, I spilled some tuna pieces near the litterbox. Feeling benevolent, I let Juno eat some of it off the floor. I wiped up what was left, and even used a baby wipe to kill the fish smell, but two hours later my cat decides ooh, the litter box is now tuna land and oooh, tuna land is not the right place for her urine, so she squats ON MY BED and pees a flood of horrible cat-juice INTO MY LEATHER BAG and ONTO MY DOWN DUVET.

I immediately rush the sodden bag into the bathtub and fill it up under the bathtub faucet to rinse it out.

Only to discover that the bag contains MY DIGITAL CAMERA.

Full of photos that I hadn’t uploaded yet.

Immediately I shook the water off of the camera and tried to take out the battery so it wouldn’t short out.

But.

I accidentally turned on the wet camera. OF COURSE I DID.

And.

The digital screen went all weird, as it, predictably, shorted the hell out. GAAAH

EFF MY LIFE.

Juno, I am gonna make you into a tiny rug, so help me.

*shakes fist*
TO THE MOON JUNOOOOO

I have never in all the 12 cats I’ve lived with in my life, ever had someone willfully pee on my stuff. WHAT THE EFF. Mojo once had to pee while the litterbox was empty and you know where he peed? IN THE BATHTUB. Because he is CIVILIZED.

WHY THE HELL WOULD SHE PEE IN MY BAAAAAG

Now the duvet is soaking in hot water and bleach and my camera, after being rinsed in rubbing alcohol, is sitting in a jar of rice to dry out and I fed the cats some food on the bed so they remember that BED IS SLEEP LAND NOT PEE LAND FOR PETE’S SAKE and I am very very maaaaad at my caaaaat and Scott just came in and sniffed and said “smells like coffee” and I screamed IT’S PEEEEEEEEEEEEEE