Tonight my female cat, Juno, was being particularly adorable. She snuggled on my lap for half an hour, purring ridiculously loudly. She chased a large red ball all over the apartment like a small leopard. She let me pick her up by the arms and didn’t even growl at me. Mojo was being pretty cool too (he let me demonstrate CPR on him), so I decided to reward my delightful felines with some tuna.
As I was carrying the tuna-plates, I spilled some tuna pieces near the litterbox. Feeling benevolent, I let Juno eat some of it off the floor. I wiped up what was left, and even used a baby wipe to kill the fish smell, but two hours later my cat decides ooh, the litter box is now tuna land and oooh, tuna land is not the right place for her urine, so she squats ON MY BED and pees a flood of horrible cat-juice INTO MY LEATHER BAG and ONTO MY DOWN DUVET.
I immediately rush the sodden bag into the bathtub and fill it up under the bathtub faucet to rinse it out.
Only to discover that the bag contains MY DIGITAL CAMERA.
Full of photos that I hadn’t uploaded yet.
Immediately I shook the water off of the camera and tried to take out the battery so it wouldn’t short out.
I accidentally turned on the wet camera. OF COURSE I DID.
The digital screen went all weird, as it, predictably, shorted the hell out. GAAAH
EFF MY LIFE.
Juno, I am gonna make you into a tiny rug, so help me.
TO THE MOON JUNOOOOO
I have never in all the 12 cats I’ve lived with in my life, ever had someone willfully pee on my stuff. WHAT THE EFF. Mojo once had to pee while the litterbox was empty and you know where he peed? IN THE BATHTUB. Because he is CIVILIZED.
WHY THE HELL WOULD SHE PEE IN MY BAAAAAG
Now the duvet is soaking in hot water and bleach and my camera, after being rinsed in rubbing alcohol, is sitting in a jar of rice to dry out and I fed the cats some food on the bed so they remember that BED IS SLEEP LAND NOT PEE LAND FOR PETE’S SAKE and I am very very maaaaad at my caaaaat and Scott just came in and sniffed and said “smells like coffee” and I screamed IT’S PEEEEEEEEEEEEEE