In which I debate the merits of having cats

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Tonight my female cat, Juno, was being particularly adorable. She snuggled on my lap for half an hour, purring ridiculously loudly. She chased a large red ball all over the apartment like a small leopard. She let me pick her up by the arms and didn’t even growl at me. Mojo was being pretty cool too (he let me demonstrate CPR on him), so I decided to reward my delightful felines with some tuna.

As I was carrying the tuna-plates, I spilled some tuna pieces near the litterbox. Feeling benevolent, I let Juno eat some of it off the floor. I wiped up what was left, and even used a baby wipe to kill the fish smell, but two hours later my cat decides ooh, the litter box is now tuna land and oooh, tuna land is not the right place for her urine, so she squats ON MY BED and pees a flood of horrible cat-juice INTO MY LEATHER BAG and ONTO MY DOWN DUVET.

I immediately rush the sodden bag into the bathtub and fill it up under the bathtub faucet to rinse it out.

Only to discover that the bag contains MY DIGITAL CAMERA.

Full of photos that I hadn’t uploaded yet.

Immediately I shook the water off of the camera and tried to take out the battery so it wouldn’t short out.

But.

I accidentally turned on the wet camera. OF COURSE I DID.

And.

The digital screen went all weird, as it, predictably, shorted the hell out. GAAAH

EFF MY LIFE.

Juno, I am gonna make you into a tiny rug, so help me.

*shakes fist*
TO THE MOON JUNOOOOO

I have never in all the 12 cats I’ve lived with in my life, ever had someone willfully pee on my stuff. WHAT THE EFF. Mojo once had to pee while the litterbox was empty and you know where he peed? IN THE BATHTUB. Because he is CIVILIZED.

WHY THE HELL WOULD SHE PEE IN MY BAAAAAG

Now the duvet is soaking in hot water and bleach and my camera, after being rinsed in rubbing alcohol, is sitting in a jar of rice to dry out and I fed the cats some food on the bed so they remember that BED IS SLEEP LAND NOT PEE LAND FOR PETE’S SAKE and I am very very maaaaad at my caaaaat and Scott just came in and sniffed and said “smells like coffee” and I screamed IT’S PEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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13 Responses to In which I debate the merits of having cats

  1. Amber says:

    what about the bag??? i am concerned for the bag!! i hope it’s ok..leather being real porous and all.

  2. jennyhead says:

    i love my cats too but when they pee out of the box it’s quite upsetting. it hasn’t happened on the bed yet, thank god. it usually only happens when one of them is sick though, so i try to remember this and just take them to the vet.

  3. hey love,
    i am with jennyhead…weiner has done this a few times and it’s been when she was sick..
    i hope your camera lives though…but arghhh…cat pee. the worst thing about cats.

    hugs.
    l.

  4. stamp says:

    i’m pretty sure she’s not sick. i think it was the tuna.

  5. jessperson says:

    dude – what is it with you and water and electronics?

    didn’t you drop your cellphone in a paddling pool last week?

    Every time I come round here there’s talk of devices sitting in jars of rice, is all I’m saying.

    Do they make silaca gel cases for hardware? Oh actually – here you go. Put them in those.

  6. Victoria says:

    oh, but the rug would be too small for anything, really. I’d rethink that part. just sayin’

  7. stamperoo says:

    Maybe i could wear the Juno rug as a toupee. Or fashion it into a muff like a Russian princess. I could use it to trim the edge of my parka hood. Or to buff my laptop screen into a lustrous shine. I will think of something.

  8. fterh says:

    I looooooove pets… but my parents won’t let me have any :(

  9. […] gain or post uggers photos of yourself without any makeup or tell jumbled stories about being peed on and then put it on the internet using your real name. […]

  10. sillygoose says:

    my cat peed on my NEW couch’s cushions. A solution of 50% vinegar and 50% water will get that smell out of what ever the pee got on. i soaked the hell out of the cushion in the tub with a whole gallon of vinegar and water lol. the vinegar smell will dissipate in a few days depending on how big an area. but vinegar is way better then cat piss.

  11. shenanitims says:

    My brother’s cat used to pee on my bed or clothes all the time. We finally attributed it to jealousy. My brother had just taken a stray in, and I was spending a couple hours a day with it to help acclimate it to the house. Little Spider, it appears, did not approve of the gesture.

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