The mallow blow-back: an anthropomorphic study, science lesson, hypothetical situation, and birthday ode to Kelly, all at once.

From an online conversation that occurred this morning between a group of people who are all old college chums except me; I only met them last year. Lucky me.

Dr.GregHold:
Happy bday Kelly.
I would like nothing more than than the sweet opportunity to share a mellow mallow blow-back with you on this day, but alas, we shall defer.
May your day be filled with pleasantries.

Me:
What’s a blow-back?
Sounds awesome/gross.

Kelly:
A mallow blow-back is as follows:
Put a fire-toasted marshmallow in yer mouth. Then take a big slug of whiskey. Yum. Dr.GregHold and I did this once with 80 year old scotch.
To the horror of the provider of the scotch.

HilleryHold:
Um, and to the horror of the bystander who was about to lose both her best friend and her fiancé to death by sweet, glutinous throat plug.

Kelly:
Uh, yeah. Turns out if you get the ratio wrong the marshmallow dissolves in the whiskey only partially, and forms a sort of glue that almost stopped up our throats. Still, yum.

Dr.GregHold:
Let me add that when the glutinous plug blocks your throat, the whiskey permeates up through your nasal cavity and then your cribriform plate, directly to the brain. Combine this sensation with the asphyxiation of the plug and you’ve got sweet death by blow-back.

Kelly:
YES YES I totally forgot the cribiform plate thing.
It was like whiskey brain-freeze.

Artist's interpretation of cribiform plate (blue) being totally slammed by miscellaneous vapours (white).  Science, people.

Artist's interpretation of cribiform plate (blue) being totally slammed by miscellaneous vapours (white). Science, people.

Reuben:
HilleryHold, if Kelly (your best friend) and Dr.GregHold (your husband) simultaneously choked on glutinous throat plugs, who gets the first heimlich?

HilleryHold:
*confused silence*

Kelly:
Reuben has asked a compelling question. In the case of the near-fatal blowbacks of yore, there were several peeps on hand to give out heimlichs. But I’d say– HilleryHold, you take care of Dr.GregHold and then (once he’s breathing freely) let the professional take care of me.

HilleryHold:
Of course I could save Dr.GregHold in order that he might save Kel.
Or I might just stand there as they passed away and say, well, now I bet you learned your lesson, you eedjits.

Reuben:
And happy birthday Kel.
May someone heimlich you in the best possible way.

Holy schnarkies these people crack me up.
Happy birthday, Kells.

One Response to The mallow blow-back: an anthropomorphic study, science lesson, hypothetical situation, and birthday ode to Kelly, all at once.

  1. Kelly says:

    Thanks Lady! I’m still hoping WD-50 in NYC will make a Mallow Blow-back dessert. The issue of signing a waiver that absolves the restaurant of any ill-effects (brain-cell loss, death, hangover) before eating the dessert would, I’m sure, only make the dish sweeter.

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