Daily Routines

Here is a blog collecting the daily routines of interesting people (mostly writers). Most of them are morning people, which is not at all encouraging for me.

My daily routine goes something like this:

09h00 – First alarm clock.
09h04 – Second alarm clock.
09h05 – Snooze of first alarm clock.
09h09 – Snooze of second alarm clock.
09h16 – Third alarm clock.
09h21 – Snooze of third alarm clock.
09h30 – Fourth alarm clock.
09h40 – Snooze of fourth alarm clock.
09h55 – Finally awaken due to full bladder natural causes.

10h00 – Realize am awake and feel rather as though have been run through a MouliGrater. Eyedrops. Laptop. Coffee. Raisin Bran with chocolate rice milk. Realize am late for something. Freak out.

10h30 – Shower. Apply 1/4 bottle of conditioner to hair. Run around apartment with towel on head, looking for clothing.

11h30 – Arrive at whatever am late for. Make clever excuse. They totally bought it.

11h35 – Coffee. Internet. Work (maybe).

14h00 – Realize am faint and irritable from hunger. Eat something: leftovers from last night’s dinner, or A&W Teen Burger (delicious) or Made in Japan (less delicious, but healthier). Apple. Coffee.

14h30 – Something important likely happened on Internet during lunch. Better check.

15h00 – Work (maybe). Internet (definitely).

17h00 – Enjoy sublime period of intense focus. Actually complete actual work. Feel briefy smug, then realize have been wearing jeans inside out for entire day.

18h00 – Gym. Run for approximately 35 seconds, then get off treadmill to re-tie shoelaces, then run for 47 seconds, then stop treadmill to re-adjust iPod, then run for 2 minutes, then get off treadmill to find hair elastic, then run for 3 minutes, then stop treadmill to re-tie shoelaces again, then wander away to look at self in mirror whilst idly curling a 20lb dumbbell for a few minutes. Etc.

19h00 – Dinner. Often accompanied by high-quality reality television.

21h00 – Work (maybe). Internet (definitely).

24h00 – Enjoy second-wind burst of attention & productivity.

24h04 – Realize am looking at photos of conjoined twins on Internet again.

24h31 – Figure if am going to be wasting time, might as well be watching 30-Rock.

02h00 – Wash face, brush teeth. Position self in bed with pillows and caramels. More Internet, this time accompanied by specious claims from television infomercials. Sersiously debate purchasing package of Cham-Wows, in preparation for day when spill entire bottle Diet Coke into tiny carpet.

04h00 – Pass out, mouth ungracefully open to reveal partially-chewed caramel. Fall gently into feather-dappled sleep, pretty as baby unicorn.

7 Responses to Daily Routines

  1. blackenedgreen says:

    work? that’s extreme. I can’t remember having those on my schedule… unhealthy.

  2. […] I HAVE TO LEAVE THIS SOFT DOWNY NEST IT IS SO COMFORTABLE WITH ALL ITS UNTAMED POOF. This is why I use so much conditioner. My hair untamed was rather like having a possum and three wolverines wrapped […]

  3. Varda Nisar says:

    Hey.. GOd i love what you wrote.. its was amazing.. i hated seeing and having other people make you feel like a dumb wit cause they can avoid food cause it makes them lazy and then work like crazy for continuous 12 hours.. and i thought “Who are these people” But this .. this was truly refreshing.. thanks

  4. hdfhf says:

    so terrible. I live in Indonesia, ith less salary, i have to work 8 hour in a place. Then i have to study at home, but before it i have to clean my home.

  5. this makes me feel a lot better about myself.

    though, if i’m honest, you still accomplish way more than i do.

  6. wpolscemamymocneseo says:

    Great article, but a frustrating read, due to the lack of proper punctuation in a lot of spots. Please close your quotations! If this article is following some sort of nouveau grammatical style, of which I’m not aware, I remain frustrated; however, I apologize.

  7. What’s up, just wanted to say, I liked this blog post. It was practical.

    Keep on posting!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: