I do not like Flash-animated webpages. They load slow, they’re never as clever as they’re intended to be, and the individual pages are unlinkable- so if I want to refer someone to a specific item- you know, disseminate information, thus using the interweb for its original purpose- I can’t, because all the information is floating around on some clever design concept, instead of sitting in one place with a URL that lets me capture it. What, am I supposed to say,
“Hey fellow bridesmaids, I think I found an affordable dress in the bride’s chosen colour palette that would look nice on all four of us, score! Wanna see it? Just go to this website and then wait 3 minutes and 24 seconds. There’s some opening animation of flowers and vines and stuff, just wait that out. Then some shoes walk by for a while. Yeah, they just walk past with no feet in them, no it’s not MAGIC, it’s Flash animation. Then there’s a bunch of belts undulating like snakes, yeah, more Flash, yep, that website designer sure knew her Flash. I know you wanna see the dress but I can’t link to it, it’s Flash– never mind, not much longer now. Uh, well, first there’s a ballet of pantsuits, and then the dress, oh no wait, more vines- ok, now. See those 22 dresses square-dancing all over the screen? No, BEHIND the vines. I’m talking about the blue dress on the left, uh no, the other blue one, the one that just did a doe-si-doe, and now it’s gonna curtsey and… it’s gone. Didja like it? Uh… oh. ‘Kay, just press “reload” and call me in 3 minutes and 24 seconds.”
Nothing makes me lose my mind faster than a Flash site. They impress designers and nobody else. “Oh hai, you’re a photographer? Cool! Can I see some of the photos you took, or did you want me to first look at an inexplicable Flash animation of an empty wheelchair slowly rolling through a scrolling animated streetscape? Where is that, Cuba? Cool, ok. Oh look, still rolling along, huh. I’m just gonna go eat some expired yogurt, call me when the porfolio comes up.”
Um, what were we talking about again? Oh yeah, Flash websites. Well, usually they’re a waste of everyone’s time. But not this time! Here’s a site for
German Dutch department store HEMA.
Best use of Flash ever. Except, then, after the Flash is done, the site just sits there shaking. Ok, so maybe this whole site is just a (very) clever portfolio for some
German Dutch Flash designer. Or maybe that’s the entire extent of the functionality of yet another non-navigable Flash site. We’ll never know, will we.