Happy Hallowe’en

October 31, 2010

This was my Ween, last night:

Monae, Monae, Monae

In case you’ve been living under a rock, that’s my version of Janelle Monae, aka, the cutest singer evarrr.

Also, today for Ween, I played dodgeball in a 12 year-old-girl’s fully sequinned figureskating dress, photos to follow.

And here’s some more last-minute Ween inspiration for you: Sexy Hallowe’en costumes that shouldn’t exist:

Sexy Big Bird, Sexy Darth Vader, and yes, Sexy Nemo. Ummmm

Thanks to Nicolas for that link, and thanks also to Amanda for photographing my costume.
Now go eat some candy!


Michelle Obama

April 3, 2010

Had a little sketch comedy thing to do, so I put together a costume.

Barack here.


Best Hallowe’en Costumes

November 4, 2009

Hallowe’en is over on the calendar but not in my heart.
Here are my favourite costumes of the year:

This eighteen-month old girl dressed as Dwight Schrute. Via.

dwight schrute costume

I did not become a Lackawanna County Volunteer Sheriff's Deputy to make friends. And by the way, I haven't.

This woman painstakingly mixed colours to go as Low Resolution. Love it.

pixel halloween costume

This looks shopped. I can tell from some of the pixels and from seeing quite a few shops in my time.

And what about these adorable munchkins, the charming offspring of a lovely couple I know? Well, for starters, the little girl is sporting one of my favourite types of costumes, the “my legs become the legs of the thing I’m riding on” type of costume. I actually have an entire folder containing photos of these costumes, since I keep meaning to do a compilation post about them. Nice choice, Princess. And as for the little boy, I lost my mind of the cuteness when my friend reported in mid-October that he had asked to go a puffer fish for Hallowe’en. His parents were pulling their hair out trying to figure out how to make this costume, but the final product is amazing.

puffer fish costume

Please do not give these children any balloons today.

According to his mom,

…Absolutely no one knew he was a puffer fish at first sight (no surprise since he looked a bit more like a disco land mine) except this one lady who was immediately like, “Puffer fish! My husband’s gotta see this! He’s in the seafood industry.”

So full of win! Happy Ween, everybunny.

PS- If you’re new to Pageslap today, welcome!
I was Barack Obama for Hallowe’en last year (I’m a girl!)…
and my costume turned out pretty OK, check it out!


Slash Costume

November 1, 2009
slash

Using my illusion

I was Saul Hudson, better known as Slash, last night for Hallowe’en. That top hat was fabricated at 10:30pm using a Lucky Charms box, some cardboard, and some tinfoil, all duct-taped and hot-glued to a witch’s hat from the dollar store. The cigarette is a rolled-up index card with masking tape on the “filter” to keep it from getting all waterlogged, which worked perfectly.

And that hair. That hair is all me, baby, and I didn’t even need to tease it. The photo doesn’t do it justice, it was sooo big and sooo puffy it was like a cloud from another dimension. All I did was rinse out most of the conditioner I use to keep it from taking over the solar system, and it expanded to the point where this morning I found a bartender caught in it from last night.

And she was all “HI” and I was all “GAH” and I tried to shake her free. And she was like “AWW WHY DO I HAVE TO LEAVE THIS SOFT DOWNY NEST IT IS SO COMFORTABLE WITH ALL ITS UNTAMED POOF IT IS LIKE LYING IN A PILE OF BUNNIES” and I was all “GET OUT OF HERE AND ALSO HOW DID YOU GET IN THERE ANYWAY” and she was all “LAST NIGHT YOU BRUSHED PAST ME AND YOUR HAIR ABSORBED ME AND I WAS SCREAMING AND FLAILING BUT YOUR MARVELLOUS HAIR DAMPENED MY BLOWS AND MUFFLED MY CRIES LIKE SOME KIND OF SPACE AGE INSULATION” and I was all “GO HOME IMMEDIATELY” and she was all “BUT PLEASE SPACEPERSON I AM STILL ENTANGLED” and finally she used a Swiss Army knife to “slash” her way free of the tendrils and she said “HA HA PUN INTENDED” and I lost my temper and went “GET OOOOOUT I AM LAAAAAATE FOR DIM SUUUUUM” So she started to back away but then darted in one more time to pet my hair very gently with just the tips of her fingers, and I made a face like “DON’T MESS WITH ME LADY” and she gasped and skittered away like an adolescent deer through the undergrowth and I went to meet my relatives for some dim sum.

(Dim sum was amazing by the way. Thanks, Uncle Tony!)

Anyway, this is why I use so much conditioner. Leaving my hair untamed was rather like having a possum, three wolverines, and a canoeload of buffalo pelts all wrapped around my head for the evening.

Overall the costume worked out pretty well for something created in such a last-minute hustle. I went to the washroom at one point, and a panicky woman in Edie Sedgwick eyelashes said “SLASH THIS IS THE LADIES’ ROOM” and then I felt like a success. But then, like 10 minutes later, I was striding powerfully up the street to the bank machine, emitting as much early 1990s rock-n-roll machismo as my skinny jeans could muster, and some teenager goes
“HEY IT’S MICHAEL JACKSON”

slash obama

If you are a brown person and own a top hat of some type- or just ninja skillz for making one out of cardboard, like me & Jimmy here, well then here are two things you can be for hallowe'en. PS. Neither of these things is Michael Jackson.

slash costume

Moments later my hair reached out and grabbed that guy behind me and dissolved him for his nutrients. He knew it was gonna happen, too. You can see it in his tiny terrified eyes.


Little Miss Sunshine: Great Hallowe’en costume idea!

October 27, 2009

olive

How’s this for the cutest little Hallowe’en costume ever? Olive from Little Miss Sunshine. Fashion Under $100 put together some inexpensive online sources for all the costume bits.

I’m not being Olive, but maybe you should. Particularly if you’re a guy.

Also, I have NO IDEA what to be for Hallowe’en this year. I feel some pressure since my costume last year was the bestest. Any suggestions?


Happy Hallowe’enie!

October 31, 2008

I have a couple of kickass Hallowe’en links to share with y’all, but first, friends, let me remind you of the true meaning of Hallow’een. It’s not scariness, or candy. The fundamental question for Hallowe’en is actually,

How can I make my costume sexy, even if sexiness is not at all relevant to my costume?

Alison and I went to an actors’ Hallowe’en party last night, which was filled with professional dancers and musical theatre performers. As you might imagine, most of them were partially nude. There was a sexy cop, two Playboy bunnies, a gaggle of Gladiators, a shirtless Batman, a sexy female Robin in a sports bra, sexy Terminator team complete with flashing LED bionic eye and sexy tight pants, and even a sexy Woodland Minotaur Lady-Goat with shaggy brown furry legs and a bare torso strewn with strategically-placed flowers.

Oh, also there was a slim 6’5″ dude wearing 5″ heels and a fluffy blonde wig, towering over the party as a sexy draggy seven-foot-tall Nomi Malone (that link is not the link we’re here to discuss, but it’s a tangent well worth clicking, friends).

One guy was just wearing a strawberry blond afro wig with his regular clothes, and I jokingly said, “hey, you could say you were Richard Simmons if you were wearing short-shorts.” He made a sort of sheepish face and I thought “oops, I embarrassed him,” but then I noticed he was removing his pants and rugger shirt, revealing a perfectly toned mandancer’s body in red hipster underoos and a tank top. Before the jeans were even past his knees he was already posing for photos. It was just that kind of party.

Artist's interpretation of that guy last night.

Artist's interpretation of that guy last night.

Alison fit right in, dolled up in her little pencil skirt and secretary hair- she looked like the first act of a certain kind of movie. But me? In my suit and flat shoes and 5-o’clock shadow? Not sexy. Unless you think clever political satire revealing the satirist’s unapologetic Liberal bias is sexy (which I totally do, can I get a what-what?) But honestly, this wasn’t that kind of party.

Let that one be a lesson to you.

Let that one be a lesson to you.

We’re going out again tonight and I’m totally planning to be Sexy Obama: the same hair, ears, eyebrows, and blazer…. paired with a bustier, miniskirt, fishnets, and high boots. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Oh wait, didn’t I promise you two good Hallowe’en links way back up a the top of this post? It was so long ago, I barely remember, but — Yes. So what I was going to say was, learn from my mistake: make sure your costume is sexy.

And here’s promised link #1, a great primer to get you started: PlanetDan’s Sexy Hallowe’en Costume Guide

I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!  UNLESS YOU ASK NICELY!

I AM NOT AN ANIMAL! UNLESS YOU ASK NICELY!

(thanks to dziga for yet another killer link).

 

Today’s Wicked Ween Link # 2 reminds me of a trip I took to Germany some years ago. The German friend I was staying with sang in an a capella man-choir (I know!), and let me come to one of his rehearsals. They sang jaw-droppingly complex arrangements of American pop songs in their German accents, and I loved them so much I made my friend burn me a CD of their music, which I still listen to on occasion. Imagine 30 earnest German guys in perfect precision, belting out Right Set Fred songs. Amazing.

I was right back there in Bavaria when JP flung me this incredible YouTube video today. I think it’s the French accent that really does me in. I recommend viewing it in fullscreen, and make sure to watch ’til the Vincent Price voiceover, which kind of sounds like Jean Chretien doing a Vincent Price voiceover:

So there. Happy Hallowe’en, friends and neighbours. Don’t eat unwrapped candy, wear light colours so you don’t get hit by a minivan, and for the love of the Great Pumpkin, make sure your costume shows your navel.


How to be Barack Obama for Hallowe’en

October 26, 2008

US Presidential elections follow hot on the heels of Hallowe’en, and apparently for the past seven elections, a reliable predictor of who’ll take the election is whichever candidate’s Hallowe’en mask has sold out first. Using my deductive superpowers, I draw the obvious conclusion: the more masks you buy, the more likely your candidate is to win. So this Hallowe’en, get out there and do your part!

click to enlarge.

click to enlarge.

Call me a prude, but I don’t like walking around with my head in a latex bag all night, so I modified a latex Obama mask & used some makeup wizardry to look like our intrepid hero. There’s a large-size pic of the final face at the very end of this post.

YOU WILL NEED:

Black eyeliner for your eyes & brows
Navy blue eyeliner
for your lips
Pink lipstick or lipgloss
Dark brown eyeshadow
Black cream makeup - Mine was about $3 for a tube. Pick one with water as the first ingredient, because if the first ingredient is petrolatum or mineral oil, you’re gonna have a nasty, greasy face all night.
A kitchen sponge – the yellow & green kind with a scrubby side
Spirit gum & Remover – This is a pine-sap based glue for wigs & beards. You only need a little. Should be about $5.
Dark suit, dress shoes, tie.
Barack Obama rubber mask In Toronto, you can get these at Laughing Stuff on Yonge for $28. If you can’t find one, you can improvise with a Spock rubber mask (trim the ears into human-shapes), or paint Obama hair onto a latex bald cap and oversized costume ears.

Obama campaign pin
(Alison made mine by freehand drawing it onto paper. I used clear packing tape to laminate it to a button I had lying around.)

HERE’S WHAT TO DO:

Get dressed & cover your clothes with a towel so you don’t get messy.
Flatten your hair- I did braids, coiled & pinned flat. You can also make a wig cap by cutting the legs off some old pantyhose. Pantyhead!

Mid-transformation.

Mid-transformation.

Eyes:
Sweep dark-brown matte shadow immediately above & below eyes. Because my eyes are slanted up and Obama’s slant down, I also added a little black liner at the outer corners in a downwards direction to make my eyes mimic his shape a bit. I traced a little white pencil into the inner rims of my eyelids to make my narrow eyes look brighter. Finally some mascara, because even when I dress in man-drag, I still wanna look cute!

Contour your cheeks & nose:
Suck in your cheeks & use a blush brush to apply some dark brown shadow under your cheekbones to make your face look more chiseled & handsome.
I also used a little brown shadow on the sides of my nose to make it look longer. I intensified the contrast in this photo to show the contour lines on my nose:

Shading on sides of nose, and at outer eye corners.

Shading on sides of nose, and at outer eye corners.

Eyebrows:
Open a photo big photo of Obama on Google.
Use the black eyeliner to copy the shape of his eyebrows. They’re about 1cm thick. They slant downwards slightly, and they angle down more sharply at the outer corners.
Use a brush to powder gently over the liner to set it.

Mole:
Right beside his left nostril, the Senator has a mole.
Use a brown or black eyeliner to dot it on, then powder gently to set it.

Man-skin, aka 5-o’clock shadow:
Use your finger to apply a very light layer of black cream makeup to the scrubby green side of the sponge. You want the makeup to be floating on the top fibres of the scouring pad, not soaking into it.

Gently dab black all over your chin & mustache. Should look like fairly realistic stubble.

Now it’s time to blend. Wet the sponge and squeeze it damp. Use the smooth, clean, damp side of the sponge to blend the black into your face so it’s just an even greyish shadow. Rinse the sponge & repeat this step a few times, til the shadow is as dark as you like, then let your face air-dry. Set the 5-o’clock shadow with a quick sweep of powder.

Lips:
Obama’s lips are an unusual colour: sort of purply brown with hints of blue. To re-create, start with a bit of lip balm. Lightly colour your lips blue with the navy eyeliner. It’ll look freaky, but then you add some pink lipstick or gloss over it to blend. Keep adding dabs of blue and pink, and blending with lip balm til the colour’s right.

Mask:
Now you’re gonna ruin a $28 mask, so first put it on and take photos!

Ha ha ha, ok, enough of that.

The idea is to make the mask into a hat with ears. You want all the hair intact, and the ears attached, so you can put it on your head like a helmet & glue it to your face so it stays. Here’s how to do it:

Cut the mask:
Use sharp scissors to cut out the face from your mask. Leave the hairline & ears totally intact, and keep about a 1-inch border of mask all around the ears. Remember you can always cut off more later, but you can’t put it back when you cut too much.

I kind of screwed this step up, so I can’t show you how to do it right. But basically you’re gonna glue the mask to the sides of your face, so you need at least an inch of flat mask in front of & below the ears to adhere the glue. And you want the mask to have enough surface area left that it fits easily. If it’s pulling tight the glue will rip. Put the mask on a few times as you cut to see how much to take off, and remember to be conservative & cautious with this step.

Most rubber masks have a split up the back. You might wanna carefully measure & trim a slim wedge out of this slit so the mask fits better, then tape the slit closed from the inside.

Glue the mask:
Use spirit gum to glue the mask to your face around the ears. Little dabs of tape will help hold it in place while it sticks.

Sideburns:
If you cut off too much in the previous step like I did, there won’t be enough mask to use the spirit gum, so you’ll have to make sideburns out of black duct tape & use them to stick the mask to your face. Or else use some black cream makeup on a brush to make sideburns and camoflague the transition. Note that Obama’s sideburns are points, and don’t make the points too long or he’ll look like a Vulcan.

That’s about it. Oh also, I forgot the first step. This one takes some planning, but it’s worthwhile in the long run. Go back in time a few years, and cultivate a friendship with a doe-eyed brunette who wil accompany you as Sarah Palin and talk like an idiot all night to make the likeness complete!

Note the duct-tape Vulcan sideburns in this pic.  Oops.

Note the duct-tape Vulcan sideburns in this pic. Oops.

Enjoy your Hallowe’en, and if you see another Hallowe’en Obama or Palin, send ‘em along!

Want more funny?
Well, this one time, I brought homemade bacon candy to a Jewish dinner party. Yeah, that went well.


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