Is this what the kids are doing these days?

February 25, 2010

I get a friend request on Facebook from “Peter Banks”, a guy I’ve never met. We do have one mutual friend, but to be honest I don’t know that guy very well either; he’s a friend’s brother and I’ve only met him once. A name like Peter Banks is so common it’s unGoogle-able, so no help there. Peter’s profile is pretty bare. There is one photo of a twenty-something male model- which could be an actual photo of Peter, I guess, since our one mutual friend does a little modelling too. And his profile says he’s “in a relationship”, so maybe he’s not just trying to flirt with random girls, which would have been my first guess.

ME: Hey Peter, thanks for the friend request. Have we met in real life?

PETER: Hey Nicole, never had the pleasure of meeting you in real life. I signed up for FB mainly for netwoking, but making a few friends along the way would be an added bonus. If you only accept people you know then no worries & sorry to trouble you.
Keep well.

I do not at all understand. How is it networking (excuse me, “netwoking”) to randomly friend people with no preamble? That’s not networking, that’s just… weird. It’s like coming to a party and just staring at someone for an hour instead of saying hi. What, am I going to friend a complete stranger and then somehow we’re in some sort of viable network together, sharing, what, tips? Is it like, if you stare at another person at a party long enough they might give you a job reference or something? I’m no expert but I do not think that’s how this works. Is it? Why am I asking this? *head explodes*

So I just hit “Accept friend request” and we’ll see what happens. Oh no wait, I did not do that.


Vajazzling

February 24, 2010

Get Vajazzled!
First they wax it bare, then they bedazzle it with rhinestones!

WAT

(probably a bit NSFW, unless you work involves gynecology, Brazilian waxes, or Swarovski crystals)
Thanks to Kelly for the tip.


Unhappy Hipsters

January 30, 2010

Unhappy Hipsters is a collection of photos depicting stylishly joyless hipsters, cadged from design magazines and accompanied by snide captions.

Everyone always leaves.

Thanks to Yao for the tip.


I am disliked by a cat

January 22, 2010

I like this dude. He’s like a Japanese John Krasinski. And that cat is dee ranged. The English translations really made this one for me.

I am disliked by a cat. The name of the cat is “Sashimi”. She attacks me at the risk of life. The fear! The seriousness of the animal!

Thanks to Steve from GracingTheStage for the tip.


Jesus makes things hard

January 15, 2010

Are you reading Lamebook?
Seriously. I think it’s my favourite daily waste of 5 minutes.


Leonard Nimoy’s Ballad of Bilbo Baggins

December 25, 2009

Remember all those years when Xmas day meant going to see Lord of the Rings after dinner? Here’s a little throwback to that time. It involves Leonard Nimoy with the Spock haircut and a gaggle of girls in neon sweatshirts wearing the Spock ears and I don’t understand what it is at all, but damn if I’m not gonna be singing it for days now.

Merry Xmas if you lean that way; enjoy your Chinese food if you don’t. I’ll be doing both.


Coyote catches Roadrunner

December 24, 2009


Thanks to Sean Dixon for the tip.


HP Computers don’t recognize black people

December 21, 2009


Thanks to Marjorie for the tip.


Top That

December 9, 2009

This is basically every daydream I ever had in the 1980s.

Thanks to Mark Andrada for the tip.


Dear Japan: Absolutely not.

December 8, 2009

But if I did this at home I'd be late.

This Japanese poster campaign is asking commuters not to do certain “annoying” things on the subway.

Here’s what I think is annoying on the subway:

Wearing knapsacks at rush hour

Littering

When two friends sit on either side of a stranger and talk over them.

Brushing hair when there’s a person sitting beside you (flake shower, grode)

Standing in the doorway, blithely blocking passengers from exiting. WHAT IS THAT.

Smoking crack into a napkin (I actually saw a guy do that on the TTC, just once. I was really confused about what he was doing until I told a more worldly friend, Hey, I saw a guy light up and inhale off something hidden in his hand, hold the smoke for about 40 seconds, then exhale into a Starbucks napkin, and what he exhaled smelled like sulphur, and my friend said, Uh, that was crack. Huh. Cracky McGuy was about 70 years old, nicely-dressed, not a tooth in his mouth. Summerhill Station. Who knew. Also, to be honest? Not really annoying, and actually quite fascinating.)

CLIPPING FINGERNAILS. UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH.

Here’s what I do NOT find annoying: Applying makeup. Why would that be annoying? A woman applying makeup has her elbows tucked into her ribs as they should be. She’s not flaking body parts onto anyone. She’s not being loud or getting in the way. If anything, she’s being entertaining and educational because I get to watch her make a painting of her own face, and also I get some tips on how to curl my lashes or whatever.

You know, if you curl them twice- once at the base, once halfway up- you don't get that crimpy look? True story. I learned it at Osgoode Station. And that person on the side giving her the stinkeye? That person is OUT OF LINE.

Subway Makeup Wimmin is going to arrive at her destination on time and looking polished. It’s a real boon to the workforce, actually. If anything applying makeup is practically a public service. She should be rewarded, not scorned. I salute you, Subway Makeup Wimmin.

So dear Japan: In response to your subway ad about not putting on makeup in transit: I respectfully reply, NO. I will NOT not put on makeup in transit. And you can’t not make me not do it.

However, Japan, those other things you asked commuters not to do? Totally fine. Especially this nonsense.

STOP THAT. THIS IS NOT THE PLACE FOR THAT. THE BEACH IS (EVIDENTLY) THE PLACE FOR THAT. (ALSO: WHAT IS THAT.)

Via Copyranter, Via BoingBoing.


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