The Secret Lives of Dresses

May 31, 2010

Soon she stopped crying and then she was asleep. I don’t like being slept in. It makes creases. When she had been asleep for a while, the man came back in with a nightgown, and took me off her. He was pretty gentle. I’d heard stories of men ripping dresses, but he didn’t. He was upset that she wasn’t wearing anything under me, not even a slip, but he just sighed and went off for a minute. He came back with a bra and panties, though they didn’t match. I guess he hadn’t noticed that hers always matched, or maybe he didn’t think it was important. Then he put a coat around her and carried her out.

I didn’t get hung up until the next day. It was odd to spend so much time off a body but not hung up. She always hung me up right away.

Great short fiction by Erin McKean, written from the perspective of vintage dresses, online at A Dress A Day. I’m really enjoying these. This one- the red satin bombshell- is particularly good.


Karate Kid ruined my happiness.

May 31, 2010

Fig. 1: Artist's impression of my life.

“You know that TV show where Gordon Ramsay tours various failing restaurants and swears at the owners until everything is fine again? Every episode is a great example. They all involve some haggard restaurant owner, a half a million dollars in debt, looking exhausted into the camera and saying, “How can we be losing money? I work 90 hours a week!”

The world demands more. So, so much more. How have we gotten to adulthood and failed to realize this? Why would our expectations of the world be so off? I blame the montages. Five breezy minutes, from sucking at karate to being great at karate, from morbid obesity to trim, from geeky girl to prom queen, from terrible garage band to awesome rock band.”

OMG, this is my life. Read it and weep at Cracked.
Thanks to Nicolas for the tip.


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