Marmite Jesus

May 29, 2009

Of COURSE Jesus occasionally appears in the lid of a Marmite jar in Wales.

I think that's him.  But judging by the taste, it could also be the residue from inside a really old saxophone.

I think that's him. But judging by the taste, it could also be the residue from inside a really old saxophone.

Marmite is this blackish, viscous, very salty and umami-ish spread that’s the byproduct of beermaking. I think. Or, you know when your pet starts scooting its ass across the carpet? That’s an impaction in its Marmite glands. Or, as my friend Jonathan used to say, “It’s the stuff they scrape out of the bilges of ships after a long voyage”.

Whatever it is, it’s really good on an English muffin. By good I mean, kind of disgusting but in a delicious way. I just can’t describe it much better than that.

Thanks to Jess for the tip. Sorry I insulted Marmite, Jessie (she’s English).

Overheard in Toronto: “My Acting”

May 29, 2009

Overheard the following conversation tonight, on the subway. I was on my way home, from, ironically, an acting class.

FACT: The more times you use the word “acting” when you’re talking about your acting, the less likely it is that you’re a good actor. That’s just how it is.

“MY ACTING” a short play
transcribed from reality by Nicole Stamp

Two middle-aged people who are obviously not professional actors.
HIM: A very tall man in a jean jacket. Sort of oafish, scruffy, and loud.
HER: A fading Blanche Dubois-type blonde in overly dramatic clothing. Her hair is oddly askew.

HER: When I’m acting I sometimes feel self-conscious but it gets in the way of my acting so I try to just let it go.

HIM: Yeah, I really think that’s not a good way to feel when you’re acting.

HER: It really isn’t. It gets in the way of my acting. I have to just not think about it so I can act.

HIM: Yeah, I get that. I really need to, like, let loose and just be myself when I act.

HER: Yeah. So that scene you were acting in tonight, how was it?

HIM: I have to say, it was weird. It was weird. To be acting with her, acting like I’m her husband, I’m like, “but she’s married”. That makes it weird to act like I’m her husband.

HER: But you’re acting.

HIM: I know, but I’m acting like I’m her husband, right? If I’m her husband, listen, as a heterosexual male, acting or no acting, I’m gonna be doing SOMETHING, right?

HER: You mean kissing her?

HIM: Not exactly, more like–

HER: Lovemaking? Making love to her?

HIM: I mean like holding her hand or something!

HER: Well that’s OK!  You’re acting!

HIM: No! I mean she has a husband! And I’m acting like–

HER: But you’re acting!

HIM: I know I’m acting! That’s the point, my acting can make me get carried away when I’m acting!

HER: I think that’s ok.  When you’re acting.

HIM: Listen, you know Tim Allen?

HER: Uh-

HIM: From Tool Time?

HER: Well I know there is someone named Tim Allen. He does Santa.

HIM: Yeah, him. Well he acted in Tool Time, and on Tool Time, his wife was hot! I thought she was hot! That brunette who acted the role of his wife–

HER: Whose wife, yours? You’re married?

HIM: No. I mean Tim Allen’s wife on Tool Time.

HER: Oh, Tim Allen, yeah. Santa.

HIM: Well when he was acting on that show–

HER: On what show?

HIM: Tool Time.

And then I had to leave the subway and I almost cried, I was so sad to miss the magic. AMAZING.


UPDATE: “My Acting” has received its first off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-Broadway performance, in my friend Shannon’s living room. Click here to watch Shannon and Shannon acting “My Acting”.

In B-flat: a collaborative music project

May 28, 2009

in b flat

This is cool: 19 different videos of people playing simple music, all in the key of B-flat. You can play any or all of them simultaneously and they all sound good together.
Try it here.

Thanks to Andrea P for the tip!

Somewhat related:
This French dude sang every single sound in Michael Jackson’s Thriller.

30 Rock table read clip

May 28, 2009

Here’s a very short clip of Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin doing a table read for 30 Rock.

And here’s a group interview clip that starts with Tracy Morgan behaving like someone who’s in his third year at a mediocre theatre school- lots of loud, non sequitur one-liners- for an astonishingly long period of time. You can basically skip that part- let it load and go to about 45sec to start. In this clip, Tina Fey reveals that one of my favourite lines is improvised.
It’s on YouTube here (3 min).

Via Lisa W‘s Facebook wall.

Caption contest: Zebra-donkey colt

May 28, 2009

I was trying to come up with a witty caption for this image, but then I got distracted because I saw something shiny.

So, I appeal to you: write a witty caption for this image in the comments!

Winner and 2 runners-up will get… umm… the dubious prize that is my admiration…?

zebra donkey

(As always, you can comment anonymously, or insert a fake name & email addy into the form, it’ll still work).

Outsourcing child care

May 27, 2009

Thanks to Virtue for the tip.

Woah. Whoa. A burning question!

May 26, 2009

Hold up. I have a pressing question.
You know that word we all use to mean “WAIT A SEC?”
Are you supposed to spell it:

Whoa? or Woah?

I really have no idea. And now that I see them written there, they both look hella wrong. So, uh…. how do you spell it?

Bushbaby is like O RLY?

May 26, 2009

This is pretty much exactly the face I make when someone says “Hey Nic, I’m going to Ikea, you wanna come?”

More tiny primate pageslap fun blog action. (Is my SEO showing?)

Zombies on the cheap: a feature film made for $70

May 26, 2009

Colin is a new zombie movie where the story is told from the perspective of the zombie. It cost $70 to make and is apparently kicking butt at Cannes.

Reading the article reveals that the $70 budget quote is a bit of a cheat, because the filmmaker worked with professionals who donated their own equipment and supplies to the project, including makeup that was left over from the X-men movie. It’s not like he and my Auntie Beulah did this on their cel-phone cams in their backyard in York Region, and it’s not necessarily a business model that just anyone can repeat. Still makes me want to see the film, though.

Via my buddy Craig‘s Facebook wall.

Relatedly, here’s a link to a super-awesome 2-minute zombie movie, created as a trailer for the Raindance Film Festival. Well worth watching.

Adventure camping is not for everyone: some girls feel untidy without access to a hot shower.

Adventure camping is not for everyone: some girls feel untidy without access to a hot shower.

Question: Is it wrong to label a post about zombies in Cannes with my disgusting things in cans tag?
Answer: If that’s wrong, then I don’t want to be right.

Ellen DeGeneres’ Commencement Speech at Tulane

May 25, 2009

I don’t think it’s possible for a human being to be more likeable than Ellen DeGeneres. This speech is both funny and inspiring.

Via OMGBlog.

I love me a good commencement speech: and a while back, pageslap blogged the transcript of another really good one: comic & writer Patton Oswalt’s address to his own alma mater. Funny, profound, inspiring, and well worth a read.


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